"I was outraged to learn, in research as part of my role as Chairman of the Budget Committee, that the amount known as Avogadro's number is over six hundred sextillion," Ryan said. "We are going to look into that; and we're going to reduce it."
Ryan called for hearings, which, he promised, will be fair but uncompromising. "Waste, in a program that size, is a serious concern," he said. An aide later clarified that Ryan was not accusing anyone of any specific malfeasance, but believes that government must do more with less, given the deficit. Responding to questions about Ryan's assertion that Avogadro had been a "big-government liberal," the aide indicated that the congressman had been speaking in general terms.
"The congressman believes that nothing is off the table, nothing is sacrosanct," the aide told reporters gathered later in the congressman's office. "We're looking into E = mc2,for instance. That's a huge number. We ought to be able to get by without the exponent, in these difficult times."
When pressed by reporters about Avogadro's number, for example, being a scientific constant, the aide replied, "you mean it's in the hands of the same people who make wild claims about global warming? In the Winter!!!???"
"Don't think that we're not on to what some scientists are doing," said Ryan's appointments secretary. He pointed out that, with a simple adjustment to the Congressman's thermometer, the water for his tea now boils at 80 degrees. "That's the kind of savings you can expect from a new approach, a conservative approach," the secretary concluded.
"Don't think that we're not on to what some scientists are doing," said Ryan's appointments secretary. He pointed out that, with a simple adjustment to the Congressman's thermometer, the water for his tea now boils at 80 degrees. "That's the kind of savings you can expect from a new approach, a conservative approach," the secretary concluded.
